"You're like a Rose"

   What is it about pets and small children in the middle of the night, that we willfully engage their whims, go without sleep - and do it all over the next day. Is it because they are helpless without us, and we are compelled to answer their cry for food or comfort? Whatever it is, my 'Merci-boy' decided he wanted me to scratch him under his chin, (yes I am the cat-staff in this house), and he would not leave me alone until I met his feline demands. Some days I wonder...just who was given dominion over whom. And yet I love him too much to deny him. Those huge green eyes, that purr that sound like a Stanley Steemer, nuzzling me as if I were gone for weeks, what can I do? I love him too much to ignore him. And life is like this at its' best.

 I hear the garbage trucks outside on their morning round, and the birds chirping a round of hi-5's to their feathered friends, now that I am awake, good time to check in with Papa. I love my Papa. No one like my Papa. Over the years, I have discovered, there is nothing you can't say to Papa God. He already knows it all, but He loves to hear us, discover for ourselves, who we really are, in Him. That's the joy and wonder of being alive. So I reflect on this last year of my life. 2013 started out so bleak. My husband, the love of my life, has just passed away, some family members and friends had suddenly passed away also. Other very difficult events, all culminated into a vortex of tears, and I spent the first few months of 2013 feeling as if I were sucker-punched in the gut. Most days felt like I was in a surreal dream. A grey fog, not knowing who I was anymore, what happened to my life, and where was I going. I tell Papa how amazed I am that as 2013 draws to a close next month, I am utterly amazed at how He has healed my heart. He really has. I will end this year doing what my sweet Benjamin so much wanted to do: have a party, a house blessing, friends over, say some prayers, laugh, dance, eat, all the good Jewish things one day to celebrate life and the blessing of a house and a new start. He so much wanted to enjoy the fruits of his labor. And I will rejoice for him and with him, with our 'mishpochah' (family of friends in God) in this living room, just weeks away. I know in my heart and soul that heaven's portals will be open that day, and although I won't be able to see (except by faith), I know that my loved ones in heaven will be smiling down on that day. And enjoying the day with us.

  I tell Papa how I notice our soul never really changes. I mean, we get older. Time and experience, they change us. But I am still the same girl I was at 23. I still have that same romantic outlook on life. I am a realistic person, I don't live in a dream world, I work hard, pay bills, am a news junkie, and keenly aware of the events of the day. I am a romantic soul in that I see the endless possibilities of a thing,and I hear God in the nuances of life that most people mistake for coincidence. I can see the unseen world in my spirit, so I am basically living on 2 planes at a given time. That is what it means to 'walk in the spirit'.  I am 'emotionally' honest (which is hard for some, I know, because most people really do not want to be that 'transparent'). But really, when you know you are loved by God, deeply loved, and you know you are safe in Papa's heart, what really, is there to be afraid of? Come on, are you afraid people will misunderstand you? News flash - they already do. Are you worried about what people will think of you? News flash - some will never 'get you' and others will try to change you to fit their schematica of life. It's no big deal really. Just be who you are. Be who God made you to be. You'll be so much happier. Took me many years to finally understand that. Of all the incredible things about my husband that I loved, I loved that he loved me for who I was. He didn't try to change me. He allowed me to be me. He was the only one who could call me "Lizzie" (my childhood nickname) and get away with it.    But it's the way he said "Lizzie, honey, come over here" and I would lay down aside of him while he watched the Ravens or Orioles on tv, he would scratch my back, the anxiety of the day would melt away, and we would get into a laughing fit. Nothing is better in this world than to be totally accepted and totally loved. Once you have been loved like that, nothing less than that can come close. At it's essence, a satisfying marriage, or a great friendship, parallels in this life just a taste of what being loved by God is meant to be about. God gives us these relationships so we can have a clue of what awaits us in the life to come, and to experience the joy of His love now. Don't refuse a pure love when it comes your way - for God hides Himself often in the unexpected, the unexplained and the unplanned moments of life. Don't tell God your plans for your life, allow Him to show you His. His are better.

 Some mornings all I can do is lay in bed and the tears flow. But the tears are the tears of tenderness and longing, for I feel, smell, sense, and taste how desperately God wants this world to know His Son. He wants this world to know He is coming back soon. I am becoming more and more aware that the Song of Solomon (a metaphor for Christ (the heavenly bridegroom) is calling the bride to 'get ready'. The wedding feast is almost ready. So many are not even dressed for the event, let alone replied to their RSVP. So as I end my time with Papa today, I can't put two words together to make a prayer: All I can do is taste the tears running down my check and tell Him how much I love Him and need Him. There is a sound within me that only the Spirit of God knows: it is the longing to love and be loved by this God who made me. And a renewed sense of life as well, for I know I have much love to give in the days ahead. The sun is starting to peek through the curtains;  I ask my Papa is there anything He wants to say to me today. I hear the words of my (late) father-in-law, Ernest H. Cassutto, (who was a composer and musician pre-WW11 Nazi era). Ernest wrote many wonderful songs, one of which, Ben used to sing to me in long car rides or on trips. I hear my Papa sing these words, in the original melody, to me,  from Ernest's song "You're Like A Rose"....

"Oh, I have now words to tell how sweet you are! 

You're just like a rose in sunny spring!

When I look at you and when I hear your voice,

It's just as if I hear the sweetest music in my dreams.

Oh, I have no words to tell how sweet you are!

Kiss me now and say you love me too.

Then I am the happiest in the world.

   A love song from God. (I wonder if Ernest and Ben heard God sing that this morning from His courts).